"I will always runaway" you once told me, "There's no happiness in staying… I shall find no space, no love, no time as my witness". That lingered on my thoughts as I replayed it over and over in my head. I eventually stopped, for a break, while traveling to forget your absence and I realized I too prefer to live alone, and leave alone, running away from anyone else's curve of time. I guess we end up having something in common as we are aware we don't want to be found.
Now I travel by night... so love can't find me.
Despite my struggles and hiding efforts, life is how it's lost, not how it's found as all our days are counted already, numbered from sure beginning to certain end.
We are all just passing by and moving towards the same finish line…There's no pause for this time we were given, for the perpetual decline of this limited energy borrowed to us as we get to exist on this spinning mass of rock. Knowing this all, acknowledging it with sadness in the departure of someone dear, makes the sacrifice feel too real, grounding, almost freeing but hurtful as it is constantly so close.
Time can't bring but loss, the great finale we can't escape, and in the silence of each second I want to stop avoiding feeling it all to my core… even the deepest pain… even an overwhelming joy… for it won't come back. Ever. Again. The same.
Now I travel by night… and I am always leaving… as we all are.
We are all just slowly leaving.
"I'm gonna float up in the ceiling
I built a levee of the stars
And in my field of tired horses
I built a freeway through this farce
Well if I ever get that slumber
Ill be that mole deep in the ground
And I won't be found."
Tallest Man on Earth
