If life was the movie playing in my head.

Let's go home, my love, be silly and fun. You'll be mine for this night, the next morning and every single day that will follow. I'll cook some pancakes while you still sleep. I'll wake you slowly stroking your curls as I gently kiss your neck. We can spend hours, that will seem like seconds, listening to music and laying lazily, naked in my bed. It will be happy. It will be love... It will be home.

A future that never was.

In no time I will leave and runaway, my love. If I wouldn't, I know you would...

Leave me, hurt me, unlove me, darling... As I am the good one to leave behind!

Our paths won't meet no more sweetheart and I am bound to miss a future that will never be... Just like I missed, eternaly, before, another tomorrow that never came to exist.

I am bound to miss, to long, to yearn... And still stand on my pillar of hope.

I'll be longing for all the kisses we won't kiss, my baby... the stories, the laughs, the mornings, the afternoons and the nights... all those years we won't ever share.

I will miss what I never danced with you, my dearest, what we never traveled or all your friends I never met.

You won't solve all my misteries and I won't appease your fears... 

I won't get to love what you keep hiding from me, my beautiful baby. We won't rejoice at all our conquers or lean against each other when the troubles seem too many for one single soul to carry.

I won't ever discover how many wrinkles will the corner of your smiley eyes acumulate over the years, honey. And I won't tell you, every morning when I wake up, how I love those little wrinkles... and even more, those eyes.

Your chest won't be my pillow no more and I'll be forever missing your neck where I hide my face in those midweek Sunday mornings, feeling my breath against your skin.

I won't feel again your heart beating against my chest, nor will I look at you and me standing together in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing our teeth and smiling at the perfection of such ordinary moment.

I won't count your white hairs over the years and there won't be anything, ever, for us to call ours.

I won't be annoying. You won't be stubborn. There won't ever be mountains for us to climb, nor problems for us to fight.

There won't be birthdays to share, festive moments, endless summer days or any winter nights, curled up together with the rain outside.

There won't be growing old together, nor growing love...

I will leave, my love.

You would leave me, anyhow...

... and this future I'm longing for, just never was, sweet baby of mine.

Bye-bye.

"From the mountains to the sea
And the city
From the valleys to the moon
In every country

I will be there
Standing beside you
I will be there
Standing by your side."
                       
                                        Odessa

If life was the movie playing in my head.

Let's stay in tonight. Get high and have a glass of wine. We'll keep whispering to each other all those feelings we insist on denying and all those words we shouldn't be saying. We won't hide on empty spaces or silent moments and the past won't cast a shadow in this instant of ours. You'll let me love you and I'll let you save me.  Peace will embrace us. Finally. 

One.

There's always a reason, I remember you telling me, for things to happen the way they do. 

As I look closely in my own eyes, starring at an otherwise empty mirror, it finally sinks in. 

I am now definitely, again, one. 

Whole. Unafraid. Comfortable, after seeing you depart, with the once terrifying idea of loss, of change, of loneliness. Serene with the certainty of the lingering emotions of lost love. 

I remain a vulnerable human being and yet, I know I might fall but my soul will remain standing. Tall. 

I live again, now, fully awake, fully aware. 

I live in the present and I know it won't always be paradise, but love may be to me, once more, not only a forgettable instant... 

Love will hurt and I may cry... but that is sometimes all that is. Life. 

I won't run and I won't bluff... I won't disguise myself as a wolf when I can't howl, nor a happy loner I don't want to become. 

I won't avoid love and I won't avoid pain, for not loving would be, in itself, the ultimate symbol of sorrow... a supreme ache.

I want to breath in each moment of every simple gesture, of every small word.

I want to give the due value to each detail. Admire the simplest things... The most mundane instants. Mindfully transforming the ordinary in extraordinary, in happy surprises of appreciation. 

It can’t be just because I am widely aware of my human imperfections and the risk I take of not finding someone who would understand my spirit, that I can let myself abandon or modify the ideals of true kindness, true compassion, true love. 

Just because it is not doable with faultlessness or certainty, I will not start fearing to reveal my weaknesses. 

I want to live every minute being, faithfully, myself, without the need of finding, within me, the switch that could shut it all down... that can shut my heart out. 

And there will come a day, maybe, when I'll whisper him to stay. Holding me tight, feeling every heartbeat of mine, he won't want to see me fall. 

And as one I will embrace, hopeful, that other one... 

"What do you say
Is this the time
For one more try
At a happy life?

So what do you say
Is it unwise
To think my fears
Will not reprise?"

                Lucius

If life was the movie playing in my head.

Let's stay in tonight. We will spend countless moments looking in each other's eyes until there's no words left unsaid and a new world is born to be found. We will know, as we kiss, that we can be hopeful to find something more powerful than fear. Our souls will live again, believe again, feel again and we will be acutely aware of all we've been taking for granted. Love will be true once more.

Come back to bed.

Would you please come back to bed, my love?

Let's make this moment our whole life.

Be close to me, my darling, as we keep feeling our love spreading across our worlds colliding.

Stay in bed with me just this once, my baby.

Let me be with your good arms around me, till there is no more time in this universe we share.

Stay and find all my loose ends, sweet love, as you search for my skin with the lights dimmed low.

Let's live forever under these sheets, my dearest.

Let's pretend there is no one else outside... no sin, no limit.

Just stay and break my heart, dear baby... break it gently, out of my chest, as you softly kiss my sorrowful lips.

Lay next to me on this lonely night, sweetheart.

Keep smiling, while you look at me with the only eyes that can appease my soul... The very same eyes who quietly unsettled it.

Come back to me for one more instant of heaven, baby and don't let love leave this room with your heart.

Would you please come back to bed, my love?

Just be here, by my side, and let me unfold you while it's all still real...

Let me wander into your scarred unknown to try and bring you home.

Keep your hand on mine, my love, keep our planets aligned...

I can only promise you that there's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

"Surround me with your love

Understand me I need you now
Surround me with your words
Understand me I need your love."

                   Per Arne Bertheussen

If life was the movie playing in my head.

Let's stay in tonight. We will have a drink or two, laugh at the words cautiously unspoken and smile while trying to capture every careful detail in each other's eyes. Our fears will be running maniacally inside our souls and we will dare them to stop us from being, just once more, as peaceful as we were tonight.