January 20, 2015

Mis-shapes, mistakes, misfits...

The heart is no stranger to mistake. It is constantly in touch with the good and the bad of our spirit... the lighter colors and the darkest shades, calibrating the inconsistencies and desperatly trying to save our souls. 
It is able to formulate and illustrate beauty or ugliness through the shadows of the emotions we carry inside, often trying to compensate for the frailties we won't admit. 
It searches for balance changing directions time after time and becoming incredibly invested in the pursuit of true happiness, trying to strive and search forevermore.

In this heart's quest for eternal bliss, shielding our soul from one's personal demons and masking a neediness we might not want to accept, is no dishonesty... There's nothing but a sense of instinctive protection that can trick the believer we hide within to hold on to feelings that are not complete. 
As we fear rejection and our own weakness, we easily create noisy illusions of love... mistakes we plunge into, because life will always seem lonely enough without little empty spaces in our bed.

When realizing and facing these fantasies of a love that never really was, some of the people we get close to, even those we might have deemed greatly important to us, become strangers.
The thought alone is depressing as you might one day look back to only find the shadows of some of the people who made you, you... people who were great comfort even if just momentarily, lovers you unknowingly loved so incompletely.
However, in this clarifying moment, there's a distinct certainty that the heart you thought was broken is still beating as a whole inside your chest. There's no part of you left behind. There's no part of you to be rescued... it's all still intact, piece by piece, ready for another mistake.
Ready for the final mistake.

"See, honey, i am not some broken thing
I do not lay here in the dark waiting for thee
No my heart is gold. my feet are light
And i am racing out on the desert plains all night."