March 05, 2015


"You are living a choice that is no one but yours", you once told me, as the tears, frightened, salted my thoughts once more. 

As true and plain as it may sound when I hear your harsh words, choices are no simple deeds. 

It is me choosing this path, these dreams, this raving wanderlust, but it is also me giving up everything I already know, my lifeline and my core... and these are no parallel roads.
It is one and the same path where I must try and endure towards some distant place, where I'll belong to a fantasy that I only know to be true in my mind. 

It would be easy to shine in this territory, to stay and be bright... it would be comfortable not to burst the balloon, not to exhale that last breath of air that will destroy it in this dimension...  but what am I to do but to go on higher ground, far from who I let under my skin, with no one else around, no one to understand and all the time to look through my darkest corners... What am I to do but to go where nothing is compromised and everything is yet to come, where nothing is crossed and there is not one thing that is lost? 

How could I deny myself from exploring what is still not mine to be known and how could I not give myself to a pain that I know to be only temporary?
Could I ask you about the insanity of my choices another day in the future?... And from my rearview mirror I'll ask you about your accommodated cowardice someday... Some other day, my love.

You might call me crazy and deny me the right to this almost paralysing fear.... this brutal fight.
You might want to make me carry my choice as I would bear a cross in my back... And I'll bear it, my dear, as I bear this open heart that won't ever stop beating for the dreams I can just dream... still!

It is my choice.
My cross.
My tears.
My joy.


"Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line."

                   Zero 7