November 19, 2013


Please, give me another peaceful sunset… give me those bright orange colors of the sun going down on the horizon. 

Give me the revolting waves of the cold Atlantic sweeping off the shoreline. Give me the warmed up sand falling through the cracks of my open hands. 

Give me the distant vision of a sailing boat and the swirling foam of this ocean coming towards my bare feet. 

Give me the cold breeze of the northern winds and that salty smell of the seaweeds. 

Give me the calming hues of dusk... the pink and violet colors of a sun that just disappeared until God knows when. 

Give me back the easy days I long for, happiness in a glass of wine, the melancholic music from the old record player, shared moments of naïve bliss. 

Give me just perfect beginnings…Give me the idea that all that is good can last forever, frozen in time… no middle and no hurtful finish line. 

Give me the unchanged beautifully intense pain of love… the feeling of this eternal ecstasy that died inside of me on those lost days. 

Give me the insight of my own self. Shut my eyes tight so I can save these moments of forgetful pleasure, of friends laughing and us flying high. Make it not be like the leaves slipping away from the trees… Now transformed in mere broken skeleton sets against the grey autumn sky. A mirror of me and my broken self just standing alone, naked,  in that empty room.

Give me the time that makes me forget the stormy days... the time that makes everything hazy and light, like a beautiful dream. The time that makes the ache not be too near anymore.

Give me the chance to get lost again… lost in the woods, lost in the middle of the big city, lost in myself, where I can realize I never really knew where I was.

It’s the moment, now, to realize it is just useless for my brain to like a dying body…still, again, yet…. I need the legs back, the arms and other lips struggling to find mine to let me feel the sunshine retreat into good autumn while these eyes do all the talking.

Give me the happiness I found hiding in sad days. 

Give me another peaceful sunset... the sound of the seagulls crying at that big ball of fire and a lone hand sinking into the sand for comfort. Give me all this and tell me… that I… was meant to see this. 

Live with me as the distinct entities we cannot deny we are, that through divine intervention were still made into corresponding puzzle pieces from the clay.

Give me everything and let me feel we were once, long ago, roots of the same tree. An old oak getting stronger with time. And when our life line broke...We never let go.

Or we probably did… 

"Woken up like an animal
I'm all ready for healing
My mind's lost with nightmares streaming
Woken up (kicking screaming).
Take me out of this place I'm in
Break me out of this shell-like case I'm in.

Underneath the skin there's a human
Buried deep within there's a human
And despite everything I'm still human."

Elena Tonra, Igor Haefeli